The Tap.

Thanks to my iron-clad excuse (still nursing), I get to put Jonas down at night, and Joe gets the joy? privilege? honor? of tucking Jaynie in (Oooh - sorry hon! I would totally trade you if I could! No, really! What? He's one and I can wean now? Huh? You're breaking up, Joe - I can't hear you...)

Sometimes Jaynie asks for extra stories. Sometimes she tries to turn on the charm. Sometimes she asks him to climb into her (tiny twin-sized) bed and snuggle her.

Sometimes, she asks him to leave.

"Daddy, you have to go now. You have to go away, Daddy. Mommy's calling you." (Extra funny, considering I was happily watching TV with nobody there to argue about what show was on.)

This has happened to him a couple of times. He'll come out looking all defeated, and when questioned admit that Madam has given him "the tap". She's asked him to leave. She's "all done snuggling" him. Ciao, Daddy. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

This has, obviously, never happened to me. (For one thing, I'm a lot softer and more comfy to snuggle than Joe. We call that a silver lining, people.)

10 minutes ago I was trying to get the Twink to go to sleep. Usually this is a breeze. I "hypnotize" her. I talk about her body falling to sleep part by part, starting with the toes (You're toes are so warm and comfy. They are holding very still. They are not wiggling, they are not moving, they are just relaxed and ready for the nap....) Generally she's asleep before I get to the belly-button.

Not today. I walk in and say "I'm going to talk about your parts now." and she says "NO! Daddy ALREADY did that!" (Damn it, Joe! You obviously didn't do a real bang-up job! How about leaving these things to the professionals from now on?) So I ask her if instead I can just snuggle her. She's all for that - scoots over, holds back the blanket - heck yeah I can snuggle her! So I'm telling her to stop moving and I'm telling her to keep her eyes closed and I'm telling her to take deep breaths and then it happens. The tap.

"Mommy? I want you to go away."

What? Huh?

"Daddy is all by himself out there. I want you to go away so Daddy isn't by himself."

Me: Jaynie - Daddy's fine. He's on the computer. He doesn't need me.

Jaynie: Well, then you should be cleaning. (I swear, I am not making this up.)

M: Whaaaaaaaaat?

J: If Daddy is on the computer then you should do some cleaning because Daddy likes a clean house and this house is not clean. This house? Is dirty. You should go away and clean something, Mommy.





I guess I'm off to do the dishes.