Sunday, May 13, 2007


I'm such a sheep.

Find me at Baaaaa.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007


I just wanted to point out that the vacation post is UNDER the olive-oil one. I worked long and hard (before giving up and publishing a half-finished post that doesn't even have stories or pictures from the most exciting stuff) on that vacation post and it would make me crazy to learn that people open the blog, see the olive oil, think "Huh, nothing new!" and close it again. So scroll down. And would it kill you to comment?


So I'm still working on the incredibly loooong, full of pictures vacation post. This can't wait, however. The world must see what I have do deal with around here....

That would be the fancy-shmancy olive oil I bought for my friend, Tiff. Congratulations on your fabulous prize, Tiff.

See - if you push the office chair all the way into the kitchen, and SLAM it against the shelves, you can get the breakables to fall off the high shelves.

Luckily, this stuff really does "Cut through grease"!!! All hail Mr. Clean. If I could, I would totally marry him.

And if you were wondering what the perpetrator thought of this whole photo-documentary process.... he didn't notice. Too busy painting his face (sorry, I of COURSE mean eating his breakfast!) Sigh. Good thing he's so cute.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

We're baaaaaack

Whew, what a trip. Next time I talk about being in the car for almost 30 hours with two kids, could someone please point me towards a cheap flights search engine? Thanks.

Things we learned on this trip...

Jonas gets carsick just like his Mommy. No puking, but when we were going around and around on those (torturous, horrifying, never-ending) scenic mountain roads he just cried and cried (so did I, but I pretended it was just something in my eye.)

If you dress your kid in a Cinderella costume before taking her to Neuschwanstein castle, other tourists will take pictures of her. Lots of other tourists.

When trying to decide between similar hotels online, it helps if one has this picture of their breakfast buffet...

Mmmm. Pastries. (My annoying kids of course ate next to nothing. Just yogurt and kiwi for them. Really - whose kids are these? I think Joe and I gained at least 2lbs a piece that morning.)

If you can find a pool, or a playground near your hotel... it doesn't matter what cool things you go to see while you're in town. The pool is all they will talk about when you ask "So, what was your favorite part of the vacation?"

Enough of this - here's how the trip went down...

Saturday the 21st we woke up, ran around like crazy trying to get the house clean and the car packed, took Madam to ballet, did some last minute shopping for car snacks, and hit the road. Many, many hours later we pull into the hotel in Bologna that we selected based on the pastry buffet. What the internet failed to mention was all of the... uh... "working girls" around the hotel. They were practically in the parking lot. We had to walk past them to get to the Burger King across the street. (Yes, we ate at Burger King. In Italy. Whatever - I refuse to apologize for this. I practically cried happy tears when I saw it and realized that a very fast, fairly cheap, hot meal was so easily obtainable. It was an hour and a half past bedtime and all we'd had since lunch was granola bars and rice cakes.) Jaynie did not ask me why there were ladies wearing underwear standing on the sidewalk, and I did not volunteer to explain it. Jonas stared, openly, at cleavage that was not mine. The weird part was there were also cops randomly standing on the corners, and other families out and about and it didn't feel like a bad area.... Europe is weird.

Anyway, after our grease-fest we explored our hotel room and found the largest toilet on the planet. Don't believe me? Observe -

Giant toilet with matching bidet. Seriously - is that not an intimidating potty? If you are asking yourself "She went to Bologna and took pictures of the bathroom?" the answer is a big yes. I also took pictures of this stuff -

Mystery toiletry found in the soapdish by the bidet. They have special sinks and soaps for their bottoms, but don't wear deodorant. See? Weird.

Anyway, next morning after the pastry-fest we were on to Germany! We drove through the Brenner pass, paid about 3983759 euro in tolls, and watched as the architecture changed. It was really incredible - one minute all the houses were wide and flat, stone and metal balconies, no shingles, etc. The very next town had ornate wooden shutters, pitched roofs with shingles, carved wooden railings and decks. We were almost there! (Well, not quite. It was like 6 hours. I got a lot of knitting done. )

We arrived in Oberammergau that afternoon (I am loving Wikipedia right now. Bear with me.) and checked into our hotel. Only it wasn't a hotel. It was an apartment. Well, kind of. See - these very nice people (Ingrid and Pauli) own this HUGE house that has been turned into like 4 rentable apartments attached to their own very nice home. It was great.

Chez Ingrid

These Oberammergauians? They are SERIOUS about their firewood. Really - look here...

Oh, that's not so bad you say? Just a nice head start to winter (it's April, people.) Well, what about this?

Hmmm? Explanations? Is it left overs? Did they have a warm 2006-2007 winter? Or are they serious about stocking up for 07/08? Wait a minute...

Holy Moley, people. That's a lot of wood. And it's we're not done, yet...

Yes, these are all different piles, and they all belong to one house. In APRIL. Can you explain this? I cannot. I have to tell you - as we drove around town we saw this everywhere. An entire town buried in firewood.

So Monday and Tuesday the kiddos and I basically hung around watching Little Einsteins in German and swinging on Ingrid's swing -

On day three we discovered the pool. Oh, the pool. Amazing that we wasted 2 whole days NOT going to the pool. (You really must click that link and read the badly translated page for it. "Super Mega Water Fun" for everyone!) I couldn't really take the camera inside, which was a shame since the kids were soooooooo freaking cute in their little suits. Alas, when it's just me and two kids, no life-vests, and like 6 pools - I need both hands free.

The first castle we visited was Schloss Linderhof. This is only a "castle" in that a king lived there. Really, it's smaller than the average bank. It's more like Linderhof very pretty house, than Linderhof castle.

Seriously - I've read in so many guidebooks something to the effect of "It's small but very very beautiful". Bah. Just say it! "Your hotel is probably bigger than this "castle". It's pretty, but maybe you don't promise your three-year-old you are going to see a castle. She may be disappointed." Eh - she doesn't seem *too* disappointed...

Ok - I can only do so much. I'm going to leave you with that smiling face and pick this up again tomorrow. Stay tuned for part two - Schloss Neuschwanstein! Venezia! 14 miserable hours in the car, complete with pictures!

Saturday, April 28, 2007

More Cereal!

So this week we've been vacationing in Germany. We've seen castles. We've played in a huge pool. We've strolled down sidewalks past painted house after painted house. We've picked more wildflowers than Jaynie had ever dreamed of in her short life. We've eaten more sausage than I cared to in my long life. We've watched cartoons and MTV in German.... Lots to blog about.

But what am I here to tell you? Simply this - my son is a genius. Today he signed for "more cereal." He did not want more yogurt, he was not all done, he wanted more cereal. So he told me. All that was missing was the "please". We'll work on that. =)

Wednesday, April 11, 2007


When I take off Jonas's overnight diaper, I like to leave him naked for a while. His poor butt needs some fresh air after 12 hours in a wet diaper.

So this morning I take off the old one, give him a wipe, put him on the floor.... and he pees. Wonderful.

Ok, no big deal. I clean it up, and then (foolishly) feel confidant that he's empty and I don't have to keep that close an eye on him.

Over the next 15 min. the kid pees on the floor four times. FOUR TIMES. How is that even physically possible?

So I'm wiping the last puddle, and I'm asking him "Why, Jonas? Why? WHY are you peeing all over my floor?" and Jaynie looks at me like I'm slow and says "Uh, I think it's because he doesn't have a diaper on?"


Sleep talking

Jaynie and I have been having some very interesting conversations lately. They always start the same - she's sleeping, suddenly she's crying, I walk in and ask what's wrong, and here are the replies....

"Who turned off the music? Why is the music stopped?" (What music?) "There was music. Very very quiet music. Is sounded like brushes." (Brushes? What kind of music do brushes make?) "It sounded like a song from Mary Poppins." (A very, very quiet song from Mary Poppins that sounded like brushes?) "Yes. Why did it stop? Who turned it off?"


"I neeeed a drink, Mommy. Please! Please can I have a drink?" (Honey - it's the middle of the night. Go back to sleep.) "Noooooooo! I need a drink! I ate all my dinner and now I need a drink! And WHYYYY did that man eat all my chocolate?"

Poor kiddo. Dreaming about a chocolate thief? No wonder she woke up crying.


I am no longer "Bob". =)

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Chick Movie

Yesterday was "Mom's Day Off" (I KNOW! It was amazing! Well, actually it was like 1/2 day off, because I'm too chicken to drive long distances by myself in a foreign country and dragged the whole family with me on a shopping trip.. but that 1/2 day was great, and now I have new lotion, so it's all good.)

So I shopped, I got my eyebrows waxed (I know, I really know how to have a good time, huh?) and I (wait for it...) went to a movie! Not an animated one! It was rated PG-13, and it rocked. Music and Lyrics. Hugh Grant was even funnier in this one than in 2 Weeks Notice. (I can hear all my male readers rolling their eyes - this is exactly why this was the movie for Mom's Day Off. We left the husbands at home and just enjoyed the hell out of it. Really, girls - go see the movie. Or rent it, cause it probably is already out of American theaters.)

Later that evening, reunited with my little angels, Jaynie asks me to describe the movie to her. I tell her it's about a man named Alex who is a singer, and he meets a beautiful girl named Sophie and they write a song and fall in love and there's lots of kissing and they live happily ever after, The End.

There's a pause, and then she asks "But what about the chicks?"

Total confusion on my part. I don't even know how to ask "huh?" She goes on "Where are the chicks? What about the chicks?" and I'm like "What are you talking about?" and she says "Daddy said it was a chick movie! Where are the chicks? What did the chicks do?"

After I was done laughing, I asked her to repeat exactly what her father had said. "Pretend you are Daddy and I am Jaynie. What did he say?"

"Jaynie? Your Mommy is going kind of crazy so she needs a break. So today we will play and she will go see a chick movie. Mommy and Miss Becky are chicks, so they like chick movies... Hey! Mommy! You guys are the chicks! I forgot!"

I love this game. It's better than planting a bug on Joe. Going kind of crazy? Hmph.


Jonas likes to head-butt stuff. His sister, the sides of his crib, the mirror, the wall, a window, me, his sister.... If there's nothing around he'll put both hands in the air, make a kind-of "HiiiYAH!" noise, and whack himself on the head. I've also seen him whack himself repeatedly with a book, and this morning he was banging his own face with a remote control.

No real punchline to this post. Is this a boy thing? It reminds me of the kid in Parenthood who has the bucket over his head and is repeatedly banging against the wall (actually Jonas would probably really get a kick out of that game - maybe I should demonstrate it for him the next time I need 30 min to make dinner...)

Friday, April 06, 2007


The following post is about poop. It's a very funny story, but at it's heart? A poop story. If you can't handle that, walk away now.

Jaynie hasn't pooped all day. I'm reading her stories before bed when a foul oder enters the room.

Me: JAYNIE! Holy cow, did you just fart?

Jaynie: Mmmhmmmm. (angelically - like she didn't just fumigate the room.)

Me: You know those poopies that haven't come out all day? I think they're ready. Go put them in the potty please.

A minute goes by and we can hear her talking in the bathroom. The phrase I keep hearing is "All right!" Assuming that she's talking to one of us, Joe goes in to check on her. He comes back, laughing, with the following story -

So I go in there and she's talking, TO THE POOP. she's saying "All right, poopies. Time to come out. Come out, poopies." And I ask her - "Who are you talking to?" and she tells me "I'm talking to my poopies. I'm telling them to come out!" So I ask "Well, what do the poopies say?" and she looks me in the eye and says...

"Dad, they're poopies. They don't say anything."

(Really, it was a ridiculous question.)