Product Endorsement

I know this blog is usually all Jaynie, all the time, but I want to take a moment and tell you all about some fab new products I have recently started using.

1st - the Mr. Clean MagicReach. It's wonderful. I can scrub every inch of my shower without actually being in it (I hate being trapped in there with the cleanser smell - although, I have to admit that this one has a nice orangey smell - so maybe it wouldn't be that bad.) I can scrub the floor without bending over (nice now, a must in a few months). My only beef is that the little scrubby pads you have to buy actually have the cleanser inside them. Doesn't sound so bad, but I thought this was just a tool and I'd be able to continue to buy whatever I had a coupon for or was on sale. Now I'm trapped getting these overpriced pads. Whatever - small price to pay if it means I actually clean my shower.

2nd - Barilla's new Pasta Plus. It's not made from your normal pasta ingredients. It's got ground up chickpeas and flaxseed and all kinds of stuff in it, so it has protein and fiber and omega-3's and all kinds of good things. I was hesitant to serve pasta made from ground legumes to the fam, but I just didn't mention it was any different and they both ate it no problem. I felt like those sneaky guys in the Foldger's commercials. "We've traded Joe's normal spaghetti for one made of beans! Let's see if he can tell the difference!"

That's all for now. As always, I'm a huge fan of Clorox wipes (a Mom's best friend!), but I was trying to focus on the new and innovative. Now, I'm off to take a shower in my sparkly, orange-scented stall. G'night!

Good Times

Jaynie is working on two molars, and at least one canine. This makes her very cranky.

I am almost, but not quite, in my second trimester. The hormones are making me very cranky.

Joe is painting the outside of the house. He hates to paint. You guessed it - cranky. (This gets extra bonus cranky points because when he gets home from work he goes straight outside and paints until dark. Soooooo, after I've been wrestling with Miss Crankypants all freaking day, trying not to start crying or yelling myself, I get no help before dinner (so I can actually cook it), no help during dinner (so I can actually eat it), no help after dinner with the bath (so I can clean up after it), no help no help no help with the little monster. Whoops - I mean with the little love of my life. The one that spends all day yelling at me and throwing food and sitting on the cats. That one.

Life in the Moore house is nothing but fun right now! Everyone should come for a visit! You know you want to!

The Trouble With Toothbrushes

First, I have to say that the word "toothbrushes" doesn't look right. Seems like it should be "teethbrush", or "toothbreesh", or something.

Anyway, here is the trouble with them - Jaynie is obsessed. Specifically, she is obsessed with mine. "Mommy Teef! Mommy Teef!" She wants my toothbrush, and she wants to run around and brush her teeth, and her ducks' teeth, and her dolls' teeth, and George's teeth, and her toes.... you get the picture.

The last time I got a new one, I joked with Joe that I would have to be careful and not let her see me use it. That way she'd still be happy with the old one. Wouldn't you know that I easily conned her into using "Mommy's toothbrush" for about a week until she saw me use the new one... then the old was no good. She'll push it away with the back of her hand and yell "ALL DONE!" if you try and give her any other than my (current!) brush.

Well - yesterday I got a new one. There was no joking this time - I planned to not get caught using it. Period.

So far I've used it once. Late last night after she was already asleep.

This morning she rejected my old one, and desperately pointed to the new. "Mommy Teef! Mommy Teef!" How does she do that?

Duh, Mom.

A few minutes ago, I was walking behind Jaynie and I put my hand on the back of her head. My fingers came back sticky and covered with goo. *

Me: Jaynie! What is in your hair?!

Jaynie: (reaching up to touch her hair elastic) Bow. ** (In the most "no DUH" voice imaginable)

This one's going to be soooo much fun as a teenager.



*Jaynie gets a little carried away with her cereal in the morning. She digs in and eats for the first few minutes, but after she takes the edge off she likes to wear some of it.

** Anything that goes in the hair is a "bow". Whether it be an actual bow, a tiny rubber band, a baby "scrunchie", whatever. Similarly - anything that goes on her head is a "hat". Hats, headbands, underpants... the list goes on and on.

Disaster Averted

Yesterday we went to a picnic. It was held in a pavillion, which means metal picnic tables on a concrete floor. (Funny - I never noticed how unsafe the world can be before I had a kid.)

Jaynie was climbing the bench of one of the tables (because that's what she does - she's a climber), and Joe and I were sitting there watching her like - "This can't be safe." So he moves over to sit right next to her, hands out in case she loses her balance.

The next thing I know my baby is falling the (what? 2 1/2 feet? seemed like at least 10 feet at the time) towards the concrete. She's falling straight back - she would've landed on her back and head. The look on her face is awful - such shock and fear. I am too far away (only a few feet, but it was happening so fast) to do anything.

Seriously - less than an inch away from the ground - her Dad catches her. I'm surprised he didn't scrape the back of his hand on the concrete - it was that close. Everyone around us broke into applause. I almost broke into tears. Jaynie started wailing and we could see that she bit her tongue (Joe swears she smacked her face on the bench on the way down, and that's when the bite happened. I didn't see a hit, and no red marks ever appeared - I think it was when he caught her. The world may never know.) A little ice and she was running around again.

If Grown-up-Jaynie is reading this, I just want you to know that no matter how difficult your Dad made your life as a teen (right now he seems to seriously believe he can keep you from dating till you're 30), he totally saved your bacon yesterday. So cut him some slack.

Soooo Opinionated

Yesterday I dressed Jaynie in a dress with fish on it. She was not pleased. She kept pulling it up and saying "All Done!", and I kept telling her that no, she wasn't. She wanted to put her kitty pj's back on ("meow! meOW!"), but that wasn't going to happen.

About an hour later when I finally get dressed, I put on a sundress with flowers. She goes nuts sniffing (sign for "flower") and pointing. After a few minutes of this she starts sniffing then patting her own chest. Then she's sniffing, trying to say "flower", and smacking her chest. Then she's doing these things but also throwing in a few "ALL DONE!"s while pulling at the fish dress.

So I changed her into a sundress with flowers on it. Joe thought the whole thing was hysterical.



Today I'm asking her "What do you want to wear today?", and she starts sniffing. So I'm digging through her drawer and come up with this cute, but kind of silly-babyish, pink gingham sunsuit with a big flower on the front. I hold it up and ask "Do you want to wear this? It has a flower." and she gives me the most amazing, grow-up, look of disgust. It was the funniest thing. She's looking at it like a teenager looks at her dad in socks and sandals. "You want me to wear THAT?!"


She ended up in her turtle outfit, instead. I get the feeling I'm in for a bumpy ride with this one.

Fun With Water

Jaynie and I got Joe a pressure cleaner for Father's day.

I was a little worried about this gift. It didn't have anything to do with Jaynie, or with being a father. It wasn't... fun. After my fabulous spa day gift for Mother's day, I was feeling the pressure to really come up with something good.

I don't know why I was worried. Joe set it up a couple hours ago and has not turned the hose off since. He started with my car, then did the sidewalk and porch steps, then the porch - who knows what he's cleaning now. He actually turned to me and said (in a total little kid excited on his birthday voice) "How have I gone this long without one of these things?!?"

Today I finally bought Jaynie a blow-up pool. I don't know what I've been waiting for. If she had the vocabulary, she would say the same thing her Dad did ("How have I survived without this?") She looooves it. It's shaped like an elephant, and if you plug your hose into it (that is, if you can wrestle the hose away from your overzealous pressure-cleaning father), water squirts out of the tail all over you. I had her in her polka-dot bikini, in the pool, out in the front yard. She was cracking the neighbors up.

We just got back from a vacation to Fort Walton Beach, FL. She had such a blast on the beach and at the pool - I knew I had to do something around here. The lawn sprinkler just wasn't cutting it.

Whoops

I just realized that the last holiday I recorded in Jaynie's baby book was Halloween. That's right - it's nearly July and I haven't put down one word about Thanksgiving, Christmas, or her birthday. Nice. I'd better get on that while I can still vaguely remember the details. Good thing Joe marked the dates on our calander when she started crawling, walking, etc. I suck at this preserving memories thing. What's she gonna have when she grows up to look at? A blog about poop.

Oh My!

My title choice reminds me of one of the cutest things Jaynie does. Joe taught it to her while giving her the bath. He says "Lions and tigers and bears!" and she says "Oh my!". It is freaking adorable.

This is not what this post is about. This is not going to be an adorable post. This is not going to be a story that makes you jealous and wish you were here with this kiddo. This is not going to make you want a little trouble-maker of your own. This will make you glad you live in another state....

This morning Jaynie woke up at about 6:20. I have a policy that strictly forbids rushing in to get her when she wakes up before 7am. I have found in the past that if I went straight in at 6:20, tomorrow she'd wake up at 6:10, the next day at 6, and so on and so forth. If I make her wait a bit, most of the time she falls back asleep. 6:20 is just too early for anyone to be getting up.

So she calls me a couple of times, then there's silence while she plays with her toys. Then she whines a little, then there's more silence. This goes on for about 30 minutes. I'm lying there thinking "Why doesn't she just go back to sleep?" Finally she starts crying a very sad, tired-sounding cry, and Joe gets up. I'm talking to her from the bed "Twinkie! Daddy's coming! Are you ready to get up?" And he's walking into the room. This is what I hear...

"Hey Twi....." GASP! "Jennifer! Get in here!"

I walk in to find a diaperless baby, and poop everywhere.

I won't go into detail here, let's just say it was hands-down the grossest thing EVER. The lack of diaper is still a mystery. She was wearing a one-piece romper to bed, and it was still snapped up, but her diaper was laying in the crib. Both tabs were still fastened,(Which was good, because the first thing Joe said was "Maybe you didn't fasten it good enough last night." Sheesh.) but one of them had come loose from the side, and I guess it just fell out the leg hole of her romper when she stood up? I don't know. All I know is that after losing the diaper she evidentally peed twice and pooped once. And then smeared it all over the freaking crib. Ooh, sorry, I said no details.

Two baths, a shower, and an entire Cloroxing of her room later, and life is back to normal. Well, as normal as it can be after seeing something like that. Eeeesh. Even though I personally scrubbed her feet with soap and water 3 times this morning, I'm having a real hard time kissing them today. Yuck yuck yuck.

Hug your already potty-trained kids extra tight today.

Disaster averted

I've just come from changing a poopy diaper.* (Well - I threw it out and washed my hands first, but whatever - it was in the last 5 min.) I opened that sucker up and saw bright red, and almost had a heart attack. Omigod what is wrong with my baby is she bleeding something's the matter there's blood in her poop oh no what do I do what does this mean omigod omigod omigod.

Then I saw the blue and realized I was looking at the crayons she ate yesterday.







*I feel like my life didn't used to be so wrapped up in someone else's poop and pee and puke and snot, it's hard to remember clearly. Will it be like that again someday? When the only person's poop I have to worry about is my own? Hmmm. Hard to imagine.

Look Mom!

Jaynie is so cute, pointing things out to me. She can't let a hat go by without commenting on it. She sees flowers and fish and kitties and doggies everywhere. She knows Kermit is a frog and when he comes on TV (he does "It's not easy, being green" on her video) she signs frog and ribbits for me. She points out babies, tells me when she hears a bird, and will point to any man in uniform and go "Daddy!" (She doesn't seem to actually think other uniformed men are her Dad, it's more like she's saying "Look, Mom, he has an outfit just like Daddy's!")

She loves to color. We have a big piece of cardboard out in the sunroom that I've drawn a duck, a fish, and a turtle on. She'll bring me a crayon and announce "Duck!" and I'll say "Are you going to color the duck?" and she'll take it back and run out there to do just that. That poor duck has been colored to within an inch of it's life.

Her new favorite thing to do is take her milk out of the fridge, have a drink, then put it back in and shut the door. She'll ask for it, take two sips, then announce "All done!" just so she can put it back. (Of course, she wants it again 3 seconds later.)

Ok, it's time to put this one to bed. Or as Jaynie likes to say... "Night night! Bee-bee!"

What a good eater!

A couple of nights ago I roped Joe into taking us to the Golden Corral (Hey judgemental people! Shut it! I was wanting pot roast and banana pudding in the worst way, and short of turning back time to that morning and making some, the Corral was my only option.)

Joe strapped Jaynie into the highchair while I went up to the buffet to get food for the both of us. I got a plate for me, and an entire plate for her. Seriously - it was a lot of food. I didn't want to have to get back up 12 times if she wanted more or something different or whatever. I got her broccoli and carrots and beans and fish and pot roast and potatoes and cauliflower and cantelope and pinapple and cornbread. It was a grown-up's portion of food.

She ate it all.

People 4 tables away were asking us "How old is she? Wow - she's a good eater!" When Jaynie abandoned the cut-up broccoli I'd given her and grabbed a big stalk to gnaw on, I heard a little old lady half the room away start giggling.

When the banana pudding came out, I thought she was going to pass out from the sheer joy of it. Bananas! Cookies! Pudding! All in one bite? Genius!

When we got home and gave her the bath, we were both crying we were laughing so hard. Her little belly was sticking straight out like a pregnant woman's. We're talking 3rd trimester here. She was stuffed.

So opinionated

Every day when it's time to get Madam dressed, I go to the drawer and ask her "So, my darling, what do you want to wear today? A pretty dress? A t-shirt and shorts? A cute romper?" etc etc. Kind of a running commentary while we do our morning thing. Sometimes if I hold out two choices she'll pick one, but most of the time she just looks at me like "What do I have you around for? You're going to make me decide this?"

This morning when I opened the drawer and asked her, she clearly replied "Turtle!". Poor thing had to say it like 6 times before I realized she was talking to me, and that she does, in fact, own an outfit with turtles on it. I turned and said "You want the turtle outfit?" and she got all excited - "Turtle! Turtle! Turtle!" So I pull it out, and before it was even unfolded she recognized the little bows on the sleeves and went berzerk. "TURTLE! TURTLE! TURTLE!"

So she wore the turtle outfit. And all day long if you asked her "What's that on your shirt?" she'd let you know. "TURTLE!"

Pee-Pee in the Potty!

On Friday, May 27, 2005, my big girl peed in the potty. It was exciting. It was sad. It was pretty funny.

I bought her this fun little potty that lights up and sings when you sit on it. When you actually put a deposit in it there's the sound of a crowd cheering. It's hysterical. We have it sitting in the bathroom so when she follows me in there she can sit on her potty while I sit on mine.

Friday night I've got her in there, naked, ready for the bath and all she wants to do is sit down, stand up, sit down, stand up, over and over and over. She finally gets in the tub, we have a quick bath, then she's out again and on the potty....

When I hear cheering!

She peed in there! I couldn't believe it. It was a total right place at right time type of thing, but still exciting. What a big kiddo I have here. (She did it again yesterday. You hear that cheering sound and you think "Naaaaah. Can't be!" and then you look in the little bowl - and there's pee!)

Hello? Can you hear me now?

Joe has been TDY for almost 2 weeks (gets back tomorrow - yay!) During that time Jaynie has perfected her phone skills. When he's not avaliable, we'll sometimes just call so she can listen to his voice on the voicemail and leave him a little message ("Hi Dad!") When he is avaliable the two of them will chat forever. He askes her stuff like "What does the cow say?" and she'll respond (wait for it...) "Moo!" So cute.

She's gotten so good at this phone thing that I can just hand it to her and she'll hold it to her ear and talk to him. A couple of nights ago I was trying to get dinner on the table, she was trying to climb me, he was trying to talk to me, so I just strapped her in the high chair, handed her the phone, and the two of them amused eachother while I made dinner.

That led us to yesterday at WalMart. I'm pushing her around in the cart, hunting for creamsicles (Why can I only find the sugarfree kind? I don't WANT the sugarfree kind! I want a CREAMSICLE!), when her Dad calls. She's immediatley reaching for the phone ("Dad! Dad! Dad!"), so I hand it to her and keep shopping. You would not believe the looks we got from other shoppers. Picture a toddler, chatting on a cell phone ("Moo. Baa. Ribbit. Meow. Ruff-Ruff."), while Mom looks for popsicles. We were quite the spectacle. Would've been better if I'd had another phone for me to talk on - then it would've looked like she had her own phone, at the tender age of one. Too cute.

A note from Jaynie

Hey kids! Did you know that if your Mom is being unreasonable and mean and uncooperative, and refusing to stick a straw in the juice-box for you, it is totally possible to gnaw a hole in the side of it and drink your juice like that? It's true! All you need is a couple of opposing teeth, and you're set! The best part - it will NEVER occur to your Mom that such a thing is possible, so you can get away with wandering around, drinking juice (or better yet - squeezing the box and squirting juice all over the house!) for like 5 minutes before she notices and stops you! Yay!

Too cute for words...

I really need to start wandering around with the video camera strapped to my hand. Tonight, while Jaynie was taking a bath, George kept hanging out on the edge of the tub. This is always surprising to me considering the number of times he's fallen into the tub in the past - you'd think he'd learn. She suddenly lunges at him - it looked like she was trying to drag him into the water to me. He jumps up and runs away, and she climbs out of the tub and before you can say "naked baby!" she's out the door and chasing him around the house. At some point she picked up her glow-worm. So picture this - big fat cat running for all he's worth, being chased by wet, naked baby holding a toy under her arm (think holding the football, running for the touchdown) that's singing "Twinkle Twinkle" as she books it down the hall. Little chubs bouncing around as she runs (yes, folks, she runs now). Cutest thing ever.

Swing!

Every time we go to the park I do a sign for "swing" when she's on them. She's never done it back, or said the word. When she wants to go on the swings, she just heads towards them. (It's so cute - she'll go down the slide for the last time, then just walk away towards the swings. She doesn't bother to let me know where we're going, she doesn't even check to make sure I'm following - she just heads over there. )

It's been a few days since we went out there - we've been doing our outdoor playing in the front yard lately (we've discovered the joy of playing in a sprinkler - what fun!) Today when she woke up from her nap she looked around, zeroed in on me, took her binky out of her mouth and signed while saying, clear as day, "Swing!"

So we went. And we swinged (swung? swang?). And we blew bubbles. And we went down the slide. And we played with some other kids. And we had a blast.




And when we got home.... I had to pull a tick off of my baby. It's back to the front yard for her. Blegh.

The more the merrier!

So I didn't shower last night, and this morning instead of doing it while she napped I napped with her (lazy lazy, I know). I think it through and decide that if I have her movie on the tv, and leave the door open, and the opaque shower curtain pulled up so she can see me - I should be able to take a quick one while she's up and about.

Wrooooooooooong.

I'm in there for approx. 2 seconds when I hear the sound of a screaming toddler heading my way. "MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOOOOMEEEEEE!" I was standing with my face in the water, so without opening my eyes I'm already saying "It's ok, I'm right here, calm down, etc. etc." Then I feel something on my leg.

I look down and find a fully dressed kid in the shower with me, now screaming because the water is getting her. Genius.

It really just deteriorated from there. She wanted me to hold her, she didn't want to get wet, she started looking at my chest like "Heeeeey! I haven't seen you guys in a while!" - what a fiasco. Note to self - shower tonight after she goes to bed.

For those who worried...

She did wake up this morning at 4am, but just played with her toys for half an hour then went back to sleep. (I know this because I heard the doll that plays "Twinkle Twinkle" when you squeeze it do so approx. 47 times.) It's like she went "Hmm. I'm awake, but it's still dark out. It must not be time to get up yet!" What a sweetie.

She demanded "Mommy! Up!" right on schedule at 5:45am. If anyone has suggestions as to how to push that back by at least an hour, I'm listening. Having her go to bed later seems to have no affect on what time she gets up - she's just crankier in the morning if she gets less sleep.

Have I mentioned that I'm not a morning person?